Unsettling experiences

I filed a missing persons report with the police on Tuesday. Adrienne and Jon came over to be with the kids.  I am so glad they live here in Rexburg and that they are so willing to help with the kids.  The police officer I am working with is extremely kind and understanding.  I think we have sufficient evidence to prove that Richard is alive out there. It seems he does not want to be found.

I am amazed at the sheer volume of things that must be done when someone goes missing. As much as I want to crawl into bed and pull the blankets up over my head, I just can't.  I complete one task and think of four new things that need to be done. Friends and family to inform, calling banks, talking to the police, checking in at his work, lining up help for my kids at school should they need it and that is just the beginning. And when I take a break from all of that, I need to try to be normal for my kids and be present for them.   When I start to think of the long term things to do, I want to shut down. I am not sleeping well and I am so very tired.  The other morning I woke up thinking what a great day it was going to be. I had forgotten all my worries.  It hit me seconds later and I cried. Oh how I wish I could forget.

The kids are so sweet, when I start to cry, they are quick to come and hug me. Joseph made me a cute "award" that says, "Best Mom Ever". Jacob even offers hugs freely, assuring me everything will be okay.  I am so glad he is still here. I am so overwhelmed by everything and thinking of getting him ready for his mission on my own is almost more than I can think about.  But I am glad for his sweet presence in our home for now and I know that getting him out on that mission is so very important right now.  He will be earning valuable blessings for our family.