Momma Jeep & the Baby Birds

One day at the end of April, I went out to start the Jeep and the battery was dead.  I popped the hood to try to jump start it and found a little next with beautiful blue robin eggs in it.  I called the kids out and we decided the Jeep wasn't going anywhere until those baby birds hatched and took flight.  Annalina looked it up and learned it would be about 2 weeks until they hatched.  So we waited.

 

A couple days past two weeks I peeked and there were three sweet little baby birds all huddled together. 

 

Here is what they looked like after a week and a half...

 

 

 And this is what they looked like the last time I checked on them...

They have now flown away and we have cleaned all the remnants of the nest out of the engine compartment.  I cannot believe how messy these little guys are!  It was such a mess.  But well worth it to get to observe them from eggs all the way until the left the nest.  Nature is so much fun!

Pinewood Derby

I cringed when they announced the pinewood derby this month.  I jokingly asked Joseph what color he wanted his block to be.  It is not an area I feel confident in helping my son.  But one day I was talking to Lori, who is the mother of Joseph's best friend, William, and she said they were finishing up a car for their own derby and I expressed my dread at having to help Joseph make one.  She told me her husband would be happy to help Joseph make a car and we planned a day for Joseph to go home with William after school to work on it.  They did a beautiful job shaping the car. I wasn't there but from what I gather, there was some research going on about how to make a fast car!

Joseph brought it home and I took him to Ace to get a spray paint.  I helped him put coat after coat of paint on it so it would be nice and smooth and then he added his own touches.  He named his car the Splatmobile.  Cute!

The night before the race we went back to William's house and his father put on the wheels and the weights and made sure it was good to go!  What truly touched my heart is that he had somewhere else he needed to be and he still took a half an hour to help Joseph finish up his car and instruct us on applying graphite and all those other little details that apparently make a difference!  I am grateful every day for the wonderful people in our lives who are so willing to help. 

We went to the church and Joseph got his car weighed in and ready to go.  It was so much fun for him. His car came in first and second pretty consistently.  There were 12 racers total and Joseph got to race 8 times on the regular track and twice on the loop de loop track.  He came in second overall and I think he was pretty proud!

 

Outings with Annalina

Last month a neighbor came by and said she wanted to do something for Annalina because she had looked so sad at church the week before.  I wasn't sure what to tell her.  "What can I do for you?" is always a tough question form me to answer.  She gave me some money and told me to take Annalina out for some girl time.  Very kind and generous for sure.  And since Annalina needed some summer clothes, the timing was perfect.  So on Memorial day we went to Rue 21 here in town (there aren't a lot of options in Rexburg) and we found her some really fun and long tops.  She is wearing one of them in the photo below.  It was fun to shop with her like that, I haven't done so in a while.  She was more than comfortable telling me what she didn't like and she actually liked some of the things I held up for her.  We had fun and I am so grateful to have her in my life.

Tuesday I took Annalina to get her hair cut. It has been growing for quite some time now and it was beautiful and long. But it was also hard to care for and brushing through thick, long hair is not always easy.  We went to the hair school here in town.  I splurged and paid to have them style it for her, just to give her some ideas of what to do with it. Isn't she adorable!

Annalina has officially passed me by as far as height goes. She is thirteen, just finished 7th grade and is 6 feet and 1/2 inch.  It will be fun to see how tall she will grow to be!  She sure is beautiful and a sweetheart!

A Grand Adventure

For several weeks now I have been planning a trip to Utah to see the Payson Temple open house with Annalina and Joseph.  Richard and I had taken the kids to the Odgen open house last summer and it was so neat for the kids to get to see the inside of a temple.  So I knew I needed to take them once again. 

I have always been the planner in the family.  Richard always told me he loved that about me.  It was one of my strengths.  And Richard was the one who would get us where we needed to go safe and sound, fearlessly.  That was his strength.  So often I think back to how well we worked together because we accepted each other's strengths and weaknesses.  We were a very good match.  I miss feeling whole.  But this time it would all be up to me and I was feeling rather nervous about the whole thing.  It is not an easy thing to have to worry about things you have never had to worry about before. But I knew I could do it and I knew it would be a wonderful experience for the kids and I, so on Friday, after school, we headed down to Utah.  We were extremely blessed with NO traffic whatsoever on the way there.  A friend told me that they left about 45 minutes before us and got stuck in traffic.  Not a big deal, except that traffic makes me feel somewhat claustrophobic and extremely anxious.  There were huge dark clouds all around us, but we were only hit with one small shower and seemed to stay ahead of the big rain the entire way.  Another blessing since the blade of one of my windshield wipers had come unattached and basic car maintenance is not one of my talents.

We checked in and I wanted to take the kids out to dinner. They were tired and wanted to stay in, so we ordered pizza.  The next morning we got up and headed towards the temple.  There were huge lines waiting to park, but it was such a beautiful sight that we didn't mind.  Once we found a parking spot we went over to the chapel next door to await our tour.  Our printer wasn't working and I did not have our reservations printed out.  The stand by line was HUGE!  I told the sweet lady there that we did have a reservation and she let us right in.  After the short video on temples we got in line and it was pretty long!  A few minutes later the Homer family walked by and we were so happy to see them all!

The Payson temple is gorgeous and very large.  We went through so many beautiful rooms.  Once we got to the Celestial Room I was able to pull the kids aside and talk to them about their dad.  I told them that their goal should be to return to the temple again and again. I told them the best place to feel of their father's spirit would be in the temple.  We talked and cried together and I was so grateful we had made the trip.  My family is so very precious to me and I feel so much gratitude that we were able to be sealed in the temple for time and eternity.  When we left the line was snaking around the neighborhood next to the temple.  And despite big dark clouds, there was no rain.

 

After we finished in the temple and chatted with the Homer's for a few minutes we headed to Walmart because both my kiddos had left their swimming suits at home.  They both found one they liked and we grabbed some summer sandals for each of them too.  We picked up Wendy's because that was what the kids wanted and we went back to our room.  We ate and took a break.  A while later we went swimming.  The pool was warm and we had it all to ourselves the whole time.  I love my kids and the close relationship they have to each other.  Despite 3 and a half years difference in age, they really do love and enjoy each other so much...most of the time!

 

I love these photos, they show the kids with genuine smiles.  I have found that often lately their photos have a hint of sadness in them.  This is completely understandable.  But I am grateful for the times they can let go of their heartache and have such a good time!

 

Mother's Day

For years this week in May has been MY special week what with birthdays and anniversaries.  It always kicks off with Mother's Day.  I absolutely LOVE being a mother.  I have said it before, if eternity could be spent bearing and raising children, that would be heaven to me. My children mean the world to me.  There is nothing I would not do for them. Mother's Day always reminds me of this special gift I have been given, the ability to be a Mom. 

This year my kids took very special care of me!  It was an amazing day and I feel very loved.  I am very blessed that my kids are always quick to express their love and appreciation for me, so every day is kind of like Mother's Day for me! 

A couple of things set this special day apart. Adrienne woke up early(!!!!), even though her church does not start until 1pm.  She gave me a lovely card and a dozen beautiful carnations that still sit on my nightstand. 

I took Annalina and Joseph to church and snuck away during Sunday school to visit Richard's grave.   I went back for relief society and then the littles and I came home and watched a movie, which I promptly fell asleep to. 

Adrienne and Jon got home from church and while I was at a meeting with the Bishop, they made an amazing dinner of stuffed mushrooms, salad, and mashed potatoes and gravy. It was sooooo good!  After dinner I got a most priceless gift from my kids.  They are as beautiful to me as they are amazing!  I am looking forward to framing these and putting them up in my bedroom.

Life In A Bubble

I live in a bubble. Some refer to it as widows fog, but I feel like bubble fits better for me. I try to avoid the "w" word, as I am not yet ready to accept that is what I have become, but I may very well be living in a widow's bubble.  It causes me to move/feel/process in slow motion, while the rest of the world is moving ahead at full speed.  Often times my view of the world through my bubble is clouded or foggy.  Other times I see the world so clearly, but I just cannot keep up.  This can be so frustrating for me, but at times I am able to accept that it is just how it has to be for now.

Life in my bubble is what causes me to look directly at you and not even process that I have seen you until hours later.  Or when one of you has performed some wonderful act of kindness for myself or my family and it takes me weeks to appropriately acknowledge you and offer my thanks, even though I feel gratitude towards you immediately. It is why I can get a sweet text or email from a dear friend and then find weeks have gone by before I sit down to reply. Sometimes I find it hard to properly articulate my emotions and thoughts, I may come across as a little off, or on a rough day, REALLY off.  But so far everyone is kind and patient with me.  I try to hide just how far behind the rest of you I feel.  I smile and pretend things are getting back to normal, even though they aren't. 

A very select few people know how to leave the high speed reality of life and join me in my slow motion bubble.  They comfort me and reassure me that it is okay, that I am okay.  They aren't uncomfortable around me.  They don't expect me to be something I am not, they don't expect me to do things I just can't.  They are fine just being with me.  I know this is a gift most people do not naturally have.  It is not a gift I have, however it is something I want to work on and hopefully develop. I am so grateful for these people in my life.  They inspire me in so many ways.

A couple weeks ago I had a serious emotional breakdown and reached out to someone. I didn't know what to do or say, but I knew I had to let someone know I was not doing well.  Though it was late, she was willing to come to me. To sit with me, to talk, to listen. She offered, but I was afraid to ask so much of someone.  I was afraid to admit my weakness and allow her to see my at my worst. I was afraid that I wasn't worth the effort.  I must seem like a crazy woman, reaching out for help and then refusing it!  She came to see me the next day.  We talked and I felt better.  Just knowing that she is there for me gives me hope.  Hope that maybe I can let down my guard at some point and allow someone in at the worst of times, when I need someone the most.

I don't know if my bubble will ever release me back into this fast paced world. And maybe that is okay.  One of the things I used to get so frustrated hearing was "you are being prepared so that you can help someone else through their trials".  I would think to myself,  how can I help someone else when I can't even overcome my own pain? But I have learned that is really what I want my life to be about, helping others know they are never alone.  I hope to be able to share my journey and help others find the faith to get through the things that seem so impossible to overcome. I am by no means an expert, but perhaps through my bumbling experiences, I can be helpful to someone else.