I met with my mentor/teacher/friend, Sister Watkins today. She is not just a shoulder to cry on, she has advised me, checked in on me and kept me going when I was tired and wanted to quit. She has discussed my future with me, no matter what happens. She has brought me solutions that I did not know were out there. She is amazing and I can feel her love for me. What a blessing she is in my life! She contacted all my teachers right away and while my mind has been elsewhere this week, I have not been pressured to attend classes. She assures me I have support and that they will not let me fail. I will graduate and I will be able to support my family and that knowledge right there is so comforting to me. It would be so easy to give up. I will not be allowed to and that is such a blessing to me. I am ready to return to school next week and work hard. I am not going to quit. I am strong and while I often doubt that at the end of the day, I know that is exhaustion speaking, not me. I can and will do anything I need to to make sure my family is okay. Sister Watkins asked me to walk her to her car before she went to teach class. She got out a pepperoni pizza and a desert pizza for me to take home and bake for my kids. Jaocb had asked me in the morning what we would have for our Valentine's family dinner and inwardly I groaned because cooking is the last thing on my mind these days. Here was an answer to an unspoken prayer. Here is someone who is the hands of Christ on this Earth. It is just a natural part of her being, there is no hesitation in her reactions. She is the kind of person I want to be!
I miss my husband. It is Valentine's Day and he should be here for our family candlelight dinner. But he is not. My cousin Jill and her sweet family came by with Valentine goodies for the kids and beautiful potted roses for me. Just sitting and talking to them was a blessing, taking my mind off my worries for a short time. My friend Brittani brought us strawberries and dip, she hugged me and how could I be sad when I adore her so much? My Bishop stopped by to check in on us and offer assistance. He checks on me everyday and that has been such a reassurance to me. The Rexburg 4x4 club that my husband is newly part of is trying to organize a search when we have more information on what area Richard may be in. I don't know these people and yet they are willing to look for my husband and they are praying for him. The school contacted me to offer me temporary tuition assistance. Then I got an email stating they would allow me to take classes next semester, which is my off track, I hadn't even applied to do that. My needs are being met one by one. Sister Watkins has found me a job in the Student Health Office that will lead to a paid internship. Hopefully I will interview and get the job. But the pieces of an uncertain future are already falling into place. And I know that is not simple chance. I know that my Heavenly Father is mindful of what is going on and that He loves me and my family. He will not let us fail.
How can I feel so loved with such a broken heart? Because I am loved! By my friends, by my family, by total strangers and by the Lord.