Things you learn when you are a grown up

First I must preface this post with a heartfelt thank you to the local police department for the work that has been done on my husband's missing persons case.  I do understand there really is so little that could bring my husband home.

That being said....

My childhood was full of episodes of Adam 12 and Emergency and CHiP's, I truly adored Ponch and Jon.  I learned that if you were in trouble, the police and doctors were there to help!  It was their job and they LOVED doing their job!

I remember having severe chest pains while pregnant with Jacob.  I remember rushing to the hospital, worried that I was dying or a heart attack.  I remember sitting in an exam room in horrible pain while doctors asked me questions and tried to figure out what was wrong.  My previous vision of a hospital(perhaps encouraged by the above mentioned television shows) was that they healed people, they helped people, if you could just get to a hospital, they would save you or at least take away your pain.  It was that day that I realized how wrong I was.  Turned out I was having gall bladder attacks, but they did not determine this until much later.  They sent me home with instructions to drink 2% milk, to help settle my "heartburn".  Guess what?  Fats aggravate an unhappy gall bladder.  It wasn't until several horribly painful attacks later that it was determined what the problem was.

I have always had a healthy respect for the Police.  I have known many good men who are also policemen.  My Dad always told us to call them police officers and not cops, for some reason he felt the title "cop" was not respectful.  They are there to serve and to protect.  Once as a teenager my car stalled in the middle of a sort of deserted road.  A police officer stopped to see what the problem was. I told him my car would not start.  He told me I needed to get it off the road.  Then he left.  I left it in the median and walked to a roadhouse a few blocks away to call my Dad to come help me.

Just a few years back there was a sneaky surprise snow storm that hit in the middle of the day in Oregon. I was on my way to drop off a friend of Annalina's who lived about 10 miles away and it took us hours to even get close to home. About a mile away, while driving up a very gradual slope, the van just quit going, I could get no traction.  With traffic all around, I backed up a little and tried to get a running start. No luck.  Soon the flashing lights of a police car came form the opposite direction!  Thank heavens!  Help had arrived!  The police office got out of his car, came to my window and told me very impatiently that I needed to move my van off the road as I was blocking traffic.  Well duh! Then he hopped back in his car and took off.  It took some young men walking down the sidewalk to offer a suggestion of backing up a little turning right and working my way out through this neighborhood that I didn't even know existed.  We made it home safe and sound.  No thanks to the police officer who saw we were in a bad position, but did nothing to make it better.  Now, I understand at that time there was a semi-emergency going on in the area, traffic was a nightmare everywhere.  The guy obviously had somewhere to be and I have always tried to remember that much.  But he didn't have to be so grumpy about it!

I feel the need to say that I have also had some positive interactions with knowing caring police officers who love their jobs.

Fast forward to now.  When I went to file a police report they were kind, they were compassionate.   Now, I have to qualify all this by saying, from the start I did not think there was anything they could do. My husband is an adult and he has free will to go and do as he pleases and his leaving was breaking no civil laws.  I was filing a report so that there would at least be a public record of his disappearance so if his Jeep or he himself were found, well, I don't really know.  Someone disappears, you tell the police.  So I did.

I was told they take this very seriously and it is great he used his credit card because they can use it to find out where the charges went through.  Great, that is wonderful news!  The very kind detective tells me that they will find my husband.  That struck me as an odd thing to say, but okay, a nice sentiment, here's hoping!  They start a media campaign and suddenly I am getting notified by someone other than the police that my husband is on the news.  Okay, deep breaths, if it helps to get my husband home, great.  I wish I had been told this was happening so I could be prepared, but that is alright, just so grateful something is being done. I don't think this happens a whole lot here. Saturday I email some info to the detective and he replies saying they have leads and things to discuss with me on Monday.  MONDAY????  That is 48 hours away!!!  Okay, more deep breaths. It is the weekend. I cannot expect my life crisis to interfere with the weekend!  Oh, I am also informed that the subpoena to get his credit card records is not going to happen, since he is an adult who can make the choice to go and do and buy whatever he wants, whenever he wants. Kinda what I though from the start, SO WHY WOULD THEY TELL ME THEY COULD MAKE IT HAPPEN?  Sorry for the all caps, I am SO emotional right now!!  So I calm myself down and decide I can wait until Monday.  Maybe I deserve this, from a police perspective, men leaves their wives all the time, right? I will be patient. I email this morning to ask what time I should head to the station and get the reply, "oh, not in the office today how about Tuesday afternoon?"  Like I am scheduling time to get my oil changed!!! Sure, you say you have leads, I can wait another day to learn something new about the whereabouts of my husband!!!!  Meanwhile my children are all sick and they won't eat much and I am worried out of my mind about my husband and my children and my future!!!

I have a real issue with dishonesty, even the kind meant to protect feelings.  I don't want anything sugar coated.  I really don't want to be given false hope only to be let down later.  I don't want to be told this is a top priority if the weekend is the real priority. I am a STRONG woman and I can handle the truth, even if it is "we don't really think we can find your husband and we won't be able to try until Tuesday"  Understandable...and honest.  If he is still alive out there, chances are really good he does not want to be found and he most likely won't be.  I am not stupid, I understand this and I can handle it!  Next time I meet with the police, I will calmly explain that I need their complete honesty.  I am sure some people in my situation could not handle the honest truth and need to be led along the path of optimism.  That is just not me.

Now, I must take some time to reflect on this wonderful group of young men who belong to the 4x4 club that Richard joined in October when he got his Jeep.  He met many of them once at a food drive at Broulims.  We have not had the chance to go off-roading with any of them yet, but Richard learned about some great areas from them and took me to them.  I got an email on Friday saying they saw the news report that Richard was missing and did I have any idea where he might be.  I gave them all the info I had and told them the name of the detective I was working with.  They never got much of a response from the police, but they organized searches all weekend long. They went out to campgrounds they thought he could be at, they drove to less used areas and looked for tire tracks.  They tried to raise him on their radios.  They looked, they reported back. They went out looking some more.  They have offered to make up fliers to take to gas stations, restaurants and parts stores.  No one has said they will find my husband, and I know chances are good they won't, but they have done all they can and I appreciate that so much. They also told me that they have kept my family in their prayers.  What an amazing group of people!