Feeling Pain

My dear Aunt Linda sent me a wonderful article about the atonement.  It is, "The Atonement Covers All Pain" by Kent F. Richards.  He talks about the pain we must all endure and that the atonement can help us because the Savior suffered every affliction, sickness, sorrow and heartache.  He knows exactly how to help us, if we let him.  He also talks about pain being part of the learning and growing process.  Sometimes we are confused as we cry out for relief and do not get it right away.  I have learned that just as the Savior suffered for all of our sins and pains in Gethsemane so he could understand how best to help us, we must bear the pain for a time, so that we can understand our Savior and his love for us. It is beautiful.  When you are in the midst of terrible pain, it may seem cruel, but it is not.  Know that he will bear you up even as you suffer.  Even in the blur of emotional turmoil, he will help you put one foot in front of the other.  He will send aid through other people and through ministering angels. I know this to be true.

If we asked for the pain to be taken and it was, instantly, would we ever learn and grow from that pain?  No, just as we must know the bad to know the good, we must feel pain in order to appreciate the relief that will come. So when we are in the midst of the worst suffering we have ever felt and we cry out to the Lord for help, we must be patient and understand that relief will come.  We just need to have the faith that it will come and that all will be well in time.

Its been three weeks and I still feel a deep aching in my heart.  But there are moments of peace.  Yesterday I went to the temple to do initiatories.  I felt the need to hear those blessings, but I felt like surely I would cry the whole way though. I almost didn't go, then I prayed and just went.  I listened to those beautiful promises and I felt peace. I did not cry once. I know that was a miracle and I know the Lord allowed me to hear those amazing promises without feeling the pain I was sure they would bring.

Today I did not want to go to church.  My mind kept telling me to stay home, take the day off, catch up on sleep.  I know some people are uncomfortable around me and don't know what to say, and that is okay, probably perfectly normal.  Others are so quick to offer their love and support, and it is much appreciated.  But it all feels awkward to me.  At times I am not sure what to say or how to react and I hope that people understand that.  But I think that doing something that feels so challenging emotionally shows the Lord that I am willing to sacrifice. I will work hard for the relief I seek.  I won't hide myself away from the world, I will be strong and await the comfort that I know will come.