I have put a lot of thought into my blog lately. I received so much positive feedback from people who felt that the blog helped them think more closely about their own lives and marriages and I appreciated hearing such kind comments. One person sent criticism that my blog could possibly damage any hope of repairing my marriage. I tried not to take that one personally since this person doesn't even know me or my family and obviously did not take the time to read all the entries I posted expressing my love and concern for my husband while he was gone. One of the first things I did when Richard came home was ask if he wanted me to delete all the blog posts I had written. We talked about it in depth and he said no, he did not want that.
During the month that I was alone, many people read my blog and sent me messages of love and support. I appreciated that so much. I have not wanted to post anything too personal out of respect for Richard and the things he is dealing with at this time. But now that he is home, I find I am in a very lonely place. I know that I am still loved by friends, family and neighbors. I also know that most people are giving us space because, well, we have a lot of work to do in our home. But there are times when I feel so alone! I have a couple of very close friends who regularly send me notes of encouragement and I want them to know what a lifeline they have become to me. I also got a phone call from a sweet friend who moved away a couple of months ago. She just wanted to check that I was doing okay and I was very touched by this.
There is still so much work to do, both personally and in the marriage. Some days feel like we are moving backwards instead of forward. Sometimes I feel such sadness and loss and I feel so alone. I wish I had the answers, but one thing I do feel strongly about is that there is no hurry. Things will work out as they are supposed to. I have felt frustrated by the lack of a concrete answer to my situation. Answers that I have been praying so hard to find. But I have come to realize that perhaps the timing just isn't right yet. I have faith that the answers will come when I am ready for them.
Keeping My Promise
1 month ago
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3 comments:
I am a friend of Renetta. I don't know you, but have kept close tabs on your life. It breaks my heart that you feel alone. I'm sure this is probably natural, and that it will pass, but just know there are so many others like myself that are truly pulling for you and your sweet family. I pray for you, and I'm sure so many others do, even if you don't hear from them. Keep writing - your honesty is so appreciated.
-Kera
Oh Amy, I think so many of us have taken comfort in your blogs. Maybe not because a marriage may be in crisis ,but another part of our lives may need fixing and your blogs have said so many things to me that i was able to recognize. I am learning that the "fixes" that we are desperate to fix ,do not come quickly. Your strength and commitment and faith to resolve "this" is a measuring stick for me.
I love my nephew and you are the BEST thing to EVER happen to him. I love you both so much and will keep you both in my thoughts and prayers.
Amy and Richard, you are sure loved here in South Carolina. Not a prayer goes by in our home that you are both mentioned and prayed for. We know that you will come out of this situation with so much wisdom and spiritual growth. I've already seen so much and in awe! Auntie!
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