Happy 21st Birthday Jacob!

Today Jacob turned 21!  We celebrated at Big Judd's in Ashton.  Jacob ordered a HUGE burger with two pounds of meat, giant onion rings and probably a whole pound of bacon!  Did he finish it?  No, but he probably ate 1/3 of it.  Guess what he will be having for lunch tomorrow!!

The theme of the day was Zelda, one of Jacob's favorite games.

Adventures with Adrienne

On Adrienne's last full day here, we took off for some adventuring in the Jeep!  We started out at Monkey Rock.  When Adrienne took the kids this winter, there was no water running at all. They walked right up to the rock for photos.  Today the water was running full blast and the kids had a blast playing in it!  I loved sitting in the sun watching my kiddos have so much fun together.  Next time I will go in with them!

Next we found another fun place Adrienne had gone to with her photography class. Nice shallow water to play in!!

Adrienne Graduates!!!

Graduation festivities started last week when I was able to attend Grad Night with Adrienne.  It was so inspirational!  President Gilbert spoke and he said some amazing things to the graduates.  I really hope I get to work on campus someday!  I loved being there with Adrienne. And the dessert they served was great!!

On graduation day I took all the kiddos down to Idaho Falls for dinner at Olive Garden. It was great and as always, so much fun!  My kids are a blast to be with. 

Too much food!!!

We left early for photos and got some pretty fun ones!

 Well, they called her name!  She did it!  After years of hard work, my sweet Adrienne has graduated with a Bachelor's degree!  I am so proud of her.  And as if that wasn't impressive enough, she did it without accumulating any debt!  That's my girl!

 After graduation, we headed to the Soda Vine for treats.  I love to spoil my kiddos!

 The next day we got a few more graduation photos.  Have I mentioned how happy these four people make me? 

 

4th of July & PTSD

I wasn't there when my husband died.  I did not hear the gunshot that took him from us.  I was blissfully unaware for over an hour that he had left this Earth. 

Last night I put the kids to bed and as I was walking to my room, I heard the loud crack of fireworks in the neighborhood.  I immediately started to cry and shake uncontrollably. I put on my headphones, turned my most comforting songs up loud and sobbed in my bed for hours.  I even took an anxiety medication, but it did little to calm me down.  I couldn't stop seeing his last moments. In my mind I saw his reconstructed face as he lay at the mortuary and I sobbed.  This caught me completely off guard.  It wasn't by choice and I was truly helpless to stop it, so I rode it out, alone.  I am exhausted today and a quick trip to Albertsons to get a few things for dinner took forever. I wandered around, not sure what I was doing there or what to get.

I feel most of the time I am in control of my emotions and I deal with what comes along fairly well. I am good at the day to day.  I don't like emotional surprises.  I haven't yet learned to grieve in the presence of others.  I put on my smiley face and pretend all is well.  It is manageable.  But occasionally something will take me completely by surprise and I hate that. 

I am not sure what to do this evening.  More fireworks.  I want to be prepared.  Not sure if I should just try to get through it, or if I should put on my music early and climb into bed. I feel so sad for my kiddos, because mommy is emotionally checked out. I am so grateful for Adrienne, Jon and Jacob. Hopefully, no matter what happens with me tonight, they can help the kids celebrate our great country.

Happy 4th of July everyone.