Kid Comforts

Today I went to devotional.  On the way out some girls were handing out carnations to advertise for some bridal show.  When the girl asked if I wanted one, I said yes, and my first thought was Annalina.  I took it home and laid it on her pillow.  When she got home I told her I had something for her that reminds me of her.  She was thrilled at the pink and white carnation. She put it in water and put it in her room.  Later she had it out so she could show Joseph and she was beaming. I told her it was beautiful, just like her.  Right before dinner she reminded me she needed a mute for her violin. I was exhausted and ready to be in for the day. But we went anyway. We had a very deep conversation in the car on the way there and a silly one on the way back.  AND we found a mute.  The trip was a success.  I feel that the kids are feeling more and more comfortable sharing their feelings with me.  I try to reassure them that whatever they feel, it is okay.  There is no wrong way to feel. And I tell them that I am always here to share those feeling with.  I feel a deeper bond with my children than ever before.  I realize in a very short time it will be just the three of us.  I only pray I have what it takes to give them what they need to recover and move forward.

Joseph has been in my room pretty much every night for the past two weeks.  He has become afraid of being alone. I understand and I am okay with a roommate.  Funny thing, the other night I told him to go get his toothbrush and use it in my bathroom.  I went in later and noticed THREE of his little toothbrushes lined up by daddy's sink.  Today I noticed he had moved his laundry basket up to my room.  I think he is making this permanent.  But if that is what he needs right now, that is what he will get. This week Annalina has been in with us at night as well.  We rolled out some sleeping pads and made a little bed for Joseph on the floor and Annalina shares the bed with me. Joseph loves it.  I offered to go get his bed and just bring it up so we can all sleep on beds, but he assures me he is happy in his little spot on the floor.  Today he said, "if daddy doesn't come home we can all just sleep in one room".  So sad, and yet I can't react in front of him, I need him to feel safe expressing his feelings to me. Sometimes after they leave for school, or go to bed at night, I have myself a good cry.   Later Annalina said, "when we buy this house, we need to plant lots of flowers".  It was always our goal to be able to stay here and buy this home we are living in.  I don't think this is something that can happen now. But I didn't have the heart to even hint at that with Annalina tonight.  So many dreams lost already, I couldn't bear to see more disappointment in her sweet eyes. Oh dear, time for another good cry!