Five Years Gone

Today is my least favorite day of the year. The day my heart shattered into a million little pieces. The day my family changed forever. I want to sleep the day away and not think of Richard. Not remember the shock, the tears, the devastation my family experienced. But I just can't. So I have a full day ahead of me. And I am grateful for the strength I have found over the years. The knowledge that I am a child of God and he truly loves me. The beautiful relationships I have with each of my children. That each of us has survived and thrived after such a tragedy. How can it be five years? It seems like only yesterday. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of him. I miss him and wish he was here, growing old with me.

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Christmas Recap

This Christmas was full of so much joy! All my kids were here, plus my bonus son Jon and of course sweet little Melanie. We felt the love of family and total strangers. We are truly blessed. And then I threw up, again and again for days, maybe weeks. No, not weeks, but it was a bad one. And I remember laying alone in the dark, wondering what day it was, and repeating to myself, it will be okay. Words Richard always told me. I tell myself now. I am strong. But I really miss that outside encouragement. And I sometimes miss letting someone else be strong for me for just a while.

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Christmas 2017

No Christmas tree or lights on the house and very few decorations. I struggle with this time of year. I am grateful my sweet children love and support me in whatever it is I am able to put together for them. I feel an amazing peace tonight and am grateful for the encouragement of so many good people in my life. Tomorrow will be a beautiful blessed day and I am so thankful for my many, many blessings! I am also grateful for the birth of my Savior. He is the reason for the season!! Merry Christmas!!

My Family

15 years ago today we were sealed in the Portland, Oregon temple for time and all eternity. I don't know what my eternity will hold, but my children are mine forever!

Easier Easter

Making traditional meals on the holidays is hard for me. So for Easter this year, we decided to do crepes, like super yummy, tons of toppings and plenty of whipped cream, crepes. Wow, it was awesome! I am grateful for my sweet kiddos who when asked if they wanted an Easter egg hunt or just baskets full of candy, opted for the baskets. I'd probably have made them hide their own eggs anyway.

Also, super grateful for a photographer daughter who keeps me in the loop with sweet texts, and beautiful photos of her little angel! I am truly blessed!

Thankful for YOU

Very tender hearts in our home today as we reflect on the loss of my husband, their father, Richard, who died two years ago today. We have been so blessed these past two years, with friends and family and community members who have loved and served our family. I wish I could say life has gotten easier, but we have faced several major trials since. The truth is, life is hard. But we continue to feel loved and comforted. We feel our Savior's love through your acts of kindness. So today we will try to focus on the miracle that is YOU! Thank you dear friends for the blessing you are in our lives! We love you!

Oregon Fun!

Fun at Red Robin!

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Stargazing

One of the earlier dates Richard and I went on was out to a lake long after dark to watch the Perseid Meteor shower.  Living in Oregon we didn't get to see it each year, but when the weather cooperated, it became a family tradition to find a place away from the city lights and watch the show!  We continued that tradition here in Idaho, but we never even have to leave our yard to see the meteors.

This year I debated whether to bring it up with the kids or not.  Definitely an activity with strong memories of Richard.  But I  decided to ask them how they felt about it and we decided together that we would have fun, so on the 12th, we took blankets out in the yard and laid on the grass and watched a spectacular show.  It was truly magical. I loved listening to the kids discuss what they know about the universe and our place in it.  It was breezy so after an hour we went in to bed.

The next night was calmer so we decided to watch again.  This time the kids got sleeping bags and they stayed toasty!  Jacob even came out to watch for a while before his graveyard shift began.

It felt good to stick with our traditions and to find peace and contentment through them. It would be easy to dwell on the one missing from the experience, but instead I choose to be very grateful for what I am still blessed with.  Beautiful children who make me laugh, who make me feel such deep joy.  Life is good and the Lord loves each of us so much.

Oregon Highlights

Adventures with Adrienne

On Adrienne's last full day here, we took off for some adventuring in the Jeep!  We started out at Monkey Rock.  When Adrienne took the kids this winter, there was no water running at all. They walked right up to the rock for photos.  Today the water was running full blast and the kids had a blast playing in it!  I loved sitting in the sun watching my kiddos have so much fun together.  Next time I will go in with them!

Next we found another fun place Adrienne had gone to with her photography class. Nice shallow water to play in!!

Quick Trip and a New Job

Richard had a job interview in Layton Utah last week.  This was to be his second interview with this company and it is a job he really wanted to get.  We decided to take the kids and make it a quick fun family trip in addition to the interview. While there we went to Cherry Hill water park.  It was a fun filled day of swimming, miniature golf, mazes, rock wall climbing and just plain fun!  Our favorite place was the lazy river.  It turned out to be a cloudy day and a little cool, so the place was pretty empty. But we are die hard Oregonians and weren't going to let cool and cloudy ruin our fun!  It was nice!

The night we got home Richard got the call!  He got the job.  He will be working as an electrical technician for a company called Schlumberger.  He will work two weeks away from home.  They will fly him around and then home for a week then back out to work two more weeks.  It is a tremendous relief after having no income for the past four months.  This job pays very well and will allow me and the kids to stay here in our home for at least another year.  For now, avoiding the huge change of moving is really important for the kids sake.  It will also take the pressure off me finding a job really fast after graduation.  If he settles into a place where he loves working, we may end up moving to be with him.  There are many location options and nothing is certain right now and we don't want to have to move the kids several times over the next few years.  Nothing has been certain for a long time now, so I am choosing not to worry and look at this as an adventure that could lead us anywhere. We are so blessed!

Before heading home we stopped at a fun restaurant that was having a half price special.  Have I ever mentioned how much I adore my little people???

Last Complete Family Photos for TWO Years!

My daughter Adrienne is so talented. I was grateful she was willing to take photos of our last family activity for two years.  Taking Jacob to the MTC was fun and emotional and I am so glad for all these beautiful photos to remember the experience with! Just wanted to share these with family and friends!  Enjoy!

 

 

 

                                           

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Happy!

Angry!

Sad!!