72 Hours

I feel like I haven't slept in a month.  The past two nights were particularly hard because Joseph has had an ear ache.  Sunday night he was up every hour or so sobbing and calling for his daddy.  The only thing I could do was warm up his hot water bottle and hold him close.  I took him to the doctor yesterday and sure enough, it's an ear infection.  I went to Walmart to get his Rx and due to our new high deductible insurance plan we pay the entire amount.  She rang it up and said "That will be $102" and I broke down, right in the middle of the Walmart pharmacy.  Sobbing I told her I would have to check in with my doctor.  I looked ridiculous I am sure, even for Walmart. I wanted to explain I did not have that much money and what little we have will not last long!  Instead I hurried outside, climbed into the van and had a panic attack of epic proportions. I drove to the doctor's office and asked to see the nurse, still crying. I apologized and a lady in the waiting room said, "you have nothing to apologize for, if you need to cry, go ahead and cry".  People here in Rexburg are kind like that.  The nurse got me calmed down and they phoned in a much cheaper Rx.  Somehow I dragged myself back into the Walmart to get the new Rx.

I have some pills that are supposed to help me sleep and help me cope with my emotions.  I have been afraid to take them because they are supposed to put me out for 12 hours and my biggest fear is Joseph needing me in the night and not being able to wake me up. Last night I took one at 7:30 or so and I was out by 8. Joseph slept in my room with me and sweet Annalina put herself to bed.  By 2am Joseph was up again in terrible pain. He was sure he was going to die.  The good news is that he could wake me up.  I got him more meds and warmed up the hot water bottle, then we watched Lilo and Stitch.  After a while he was hungry, so I made him popcorn, which he loved. Then he said, "I am sorry you have to do all this for me" and my heart broke. I explained that he is worth anything in this world that I need to do for him. I hope my kids know that, I try to tell them often how much they mean to me, especially now.