Last Complete Family Photos for TWO Years!

My daughter Adrienne is so talented. I was grateful she was willing to take photos of our last family activity for two years.  Taking Jacob to the MTC was fun and emotional and I am so glad for all these beautiful photos to remember the experience with! Just wanted to share these with family and friends!  Enjoy!

 

 

 

                                           

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Happy!

Angry!

Sad!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

How did my baby get to be 9 years old???

My baby, my youngest, my sweet little guy is halfway to adulthood!  I am not sure how that happened, but on Tuesday we celebrated Joseph's ninth birthday!

We stopped and picked up Adrienne and Jon and went to a fun place near Rexburg called Big Judd's.  They serve huge burgers and desserts. We ordered a large side of fries to share and an ice cream dish called "The Hungry Heifer".  It had 15 scoops of ice cream and five toppings!  And yes, that is a huge dog food bowl they serve it in!  It was a fun way to celebrate such a momentous occasion with Joseph!  An interesting thing I feel the need to point out, there were six of us sharing this dessert, (they brought us extra cups and spoons), but we were still unable to finish all that ice cream!  It was THAT huge!!

Adrienne and Jon ordered one of Big Judd's huge one pound hamburgers!  It was big enough that they had to slice it up like a pie in order to be able to eat it!

The very next night we got to celebrate again as Joseph earned his Wolf Badge and is ready to be a Bear Cub Scout!!

All is Well at the MTC

Hi Mom. I'm loving the MTC, it's a great experience. Easter Sunday was the best Sunday ever! President Uctdorf talked in the Easter Sunday Devotional! I liked how he talked about the Apostle Peter after he denied Christ three times. He denied Him because of fear and ever since that day he went and preached having "fear of no man" and because of President Uctdorf's talk, my fears have faded away.  Sunday Afternoon we went on a temple walk with our zone. Ever since Monday, our district is pretty much our whole zone. No new missionaries are going to be in our zone. Sunday night we watched a film called "Because of Him" spoken by Elder Bednar, his talk was powerful. He talked about putting off the natural man. He made a connection to Cookie Monster and the natural man. He made that connection because we as missionaries need to stop being selfish and prideful.

Elder T (my companion) and I are getting along pretty well. He was a runner back in high school and we went on a run once during gym time. The rest of our gym time was playing four square, one of things I played back at Jackson School. I saw Trevor Blanchard! He's one of the teachers at the MTC. I also met one of the Elders that I saw at In 'n out burger, his name is Elder Eden serving in the Madagascar Mission.

Yesterday night, Elder Oaks spoke in the devotional. The MTC has devotionals every Tuesday night. He talked about being effective missionaries. One thing that he said that every one (especailly ones who are preparing to go on a mission) is to be yourself and not someone else.

At the MTC we have classes and we teach acting investigators. Elder Tapp and I taught a sweet elderly man named Arnold. Is he Mormon and acting as an investigator or is he a real investigator? That, I don't know, as a missionary preparing to serve in NC, I'm just going to say he's a real investigator. Arnold is a very observant man, he knows that I'm a quiet man. He asked me some specific questions like "Do you missionaries force people into joining your church?" I've answered that it's not that we force people in (that's not our purpose as missionaries), the investigators choose their own paths and we (missionaries) are there to help them make righteous decisions. Yesterday he asked why we can't just sin all our life and be forgiven when we die and enter into the spirit world. While Elder T was trying to explain, I came across a scripture (Alma 34: 32-34), and I had him read it and he actually pondered about it. In this passage I've learned that when we die, our spirits will have that same personality. 

This Morning we went to the temple and did endowments.

I hope everything is going well, and I wish Joseph a happy (belated) birthday. I leave the MTC on Monday morning, so I won't have a P-day until the 5th of May. I think it's different for every missionary, but My P-day is on Wednesdays at the MTC.

From, Elder Stafford

P.S. thanks for the immunizations records.

Easter Egg Family Fun!!

We enjoyed a wonderful Easter Sunday at church this year.  Also, since our Primary President is moving soon, we were released!  No new calling yet, so I will start going to Sunday School and Relief Society! 

As far as dinner is concerned, we had a very nontraditional Easter this year.  I just didn't feel like doing a ham, its really not my favorite food!  So Richard and I made a big batch of hot and sour soup, a bunch of fried rice with shrimp and bbq pork in it and pot stickers.  Adrienne and Jon came over after church and joined us. It was fun!

Since we ran out of time earlier in the week, we decided to dye our eggs on Easter.  We did cool whip eggs again this year. Its fun, colorful and you can eat the whip cream when you are done!  This is what happens when you dye eggs this way...

 

 

It's okay Jon, there is no wrong way to do this!!

Aren't they beautiful?

The Long Journey

We woke up early on the morning of April 16th.  Adrienne and her husband Jon came over and we left for Utah at 7am.  I sat in the middle with Jacob and he held my hand most of the way there. He slept a lot of the way and I think that was a defense mechanism for him.  At times he leaned over against me and slept with his head on my shoulder, with my hand between his.  His hands were cold and I could feel his nervousness. It was my honor to be there with him like that.  I did my best to offer comfort and encouragement.  I tried to express how much I love him and how proud of him I am.  As we got closer I dreaded dropping him off! I am so grateful we were close enough to drive him there rather than putting him on a plane.

We stopped at In and Out Burger in Provo and had lunch.  During our short time there we came across 5 other missionaries on their way to the MTC.  Jacob had a great time meeting people and shaking hands.  Destinations included Puerto Rico, Madagascar, Oklahoma City, and Ohio.  Even the employees were excited and asked where Jacob was heading.  It was a great lunch stop and I am glad we went there.  After lunch we went up to the Provo Temple to take photos.  We had fun wandering the temple grounds and Adrienne and Jon were both able to capture some priceless photos for us.  Much of the time Jacob stayed close by me.  As we walked he often had his arm around me or held my hand.  We sat on the benches enjoying the beautiful weather and he laid his head on my shoulder.  Those tender moments I will never forget.  As the time to head to the MTC got closer, my sweet son got more emotional.  Before loading back into the car we all hugged him and wished him well.  As we pulled into the MTC we were told we would have only two minutes to say our goodbyes.  We hopped out of the car.  We all misted up as we said one final goodbye, but Jacob and I cried openly. It was the hardest and best thing I have ever done, leaving him there like that. It was hard on the kids as well.  The missionary who greeted him looked like he would take very good care of Jacob. Everyone there was so friendly and upbeat!

I cried off and on along the way home.  It was a long drive.  But it was harder for me emotionally when we got home.  Everywhere were reminders of my sweet son.  I found the umbrella we forgot to pack.  I went into his room and we have some work to do in there. He got started packing his things because we are not sure where we will be living when he returns.  I keep expecting to see him wander into the TV room and plop down on the lovesac.  I miss him.  I really really do.  We are raised to see missions as the wonderful experiences they are, but I don't feel like I was prepared for all the emotion that goes along with letting go of your son for two years.  Even though we know there are long term gains, it is hard not to feel a profound sense of loss. As much as I miss him, I know he is exactly where he needs to be.  I am so proud of him!  I know that he will learn and grow and become an even more amazing young man.  I look forward to seeing him again in two years and seeing who he has become.

Every day Jacob would hug Joseph and say "hug of the day" and Joseph would try to fight him off and they would laugh and screech. Well before we left that morning, Jacob said "hug of the two years".  I think this photo is absolutely precious!  These two love each other so much!

Jacob, practicing trying to share the scriptures.

How to deal with uninterested parties....Thanks for helping him practice Adrienne!

More sibling hugs!

Letting Go

Jacob's departure started with his farewell talk on Sunday.  He was able to choose his own topic and he decided on prayer.  He prepared and only had one page of notes.  Knowing how much time he needed to take up, I was worried. I told him he could practice it with me if he wanted to. He said no, then he couldn't surprise me!  I finally let go and decided that he was going to be on his own without me for two years and that the Lord would bless him to be able to do many difficult new things.  I prayed for him to do well and remember all he wanted to say.  His talk was beautiful. He spoke with tenderness and he bore his testimony beautifully.  I was so impressed with this young man I have raised for the past 19 years.  My cousin Jill and her family were able to be there, as well as Adrienne and Jon and my teacher and friend Angela.  It was a special day, for sure.

The emotions associated with Jacob leaving on his mission were very powerful.  I have shut off so much emotion lately that it took some time for it to sink in. My boy was leaving, and soon.  As the emotion built up and threatened to overflow, my first instinct was to go climb into bed and let Richard help him with the packing and last minute preparations.  I figured they did not really need me, right?  Well two days before he left, he came to me and asked if we could talk. He told me that for the first time he was having doubts, about whether he could be gone so long, about getting homesick, about all the sacrifices he was making.  We sat together on the love seat and talked and talked. I told him that I once heard in general conference that a sacrifice is giving up something good for something better.  I know that his service to the Lord is the best it gets. He will be blessed beyond measure.  I told him that the Lord would help him succeed. I told him he needed to be obedient. I told him he needed to be patient with others. I told him he needed to turn to the Lord always.  It was such a tender time with him. My big son, who is taller than I am, folded himself up so that I could hold him.  We cried together and we talked together. We felt the Spirit.  From that moment on, I knew I had to be strong for him. There was no hiding away when my sweet son needed the reassurance that only I could give him.

The next day I went down to help him pack. He had all his things laid out in the play room with his suitcases.  When Richard would go to get something and we took a small break, he would come and sit as close to me as he could.  We cried some more and I reassured him some more.  These are moments I will never forget.  It was as if we knew there was only so much time left and we needed to spend it together.  The Bishop and Stake President came over to set him apart.  So much of what was said to Jacob were things we had talked about the night before.  I felt strongly that just as they were guided to say things Jacob needed to hear, so was I.  Jacob felt better after being set apart, but he still had some reservations. He was still very emotional. So we sat together for a while longer. I told him he is the bravest person I know.  He is willing to dedicate his life to the Lord for two years, not knowing what it will be like or how it will all work out. I told him he has incredible faith and that I know he will work miracles for the Lord.  It got late and I sent him to bed.  I came out a while later to this sight...

Three lonely bags sitting in the front room.  Seeing them sitting there touched me deeply and I thought to take a photo.  They signify almost 20 years of love and instruction, of learning and growth on his part as well as mine.  They show his readiness to go out into the world alone!  My journey through life with Jacob has not always been easy, there is a lot of extra worry that goes along with raising such a special spirit, but I would not trade a single moment of it for anything.  I know that he has taught me love and compassion and patience.  I have learned so much being Jacob's mother.  And I hope I have taught him what he needs to know.  I will miss my son dearly but I know that he is doing what he needs to and the sacrifices he is making, and we as his family are making, are well worth the good he will do in North Carolina.  

Life goes on!!!

A lot has happened over the past month, its about time I added them to the blog!

Conference weekend was amazing!  Never have so many of the talks touch me so deeply!  It was
sad when it ended, but I am grateful I can watch again and again and read the talks too!  The kiddos were great.  Several times they would snuggle on a lovesac.  They are so close, it is sweet.

 Annalina finished up her first scarf and went to Walmart with a gift card she was given at Christmas and bought some more loaves of yarn.  She knows how to start them and finish them an everything in between. They both turned out great and it is fun to see her take an interest in something so fun!

The weather has finally started to cooperate with Spring.  We had a couple of false starts where it was nice and then snowed 5-6 inches. The snow is now gone and it has been up in the 60's this week.  The sky has been clear and blue quite often and so the gorgeous Rexburg sunsets are visible again. I have missed them!

It's been a while

I have put a lot of thought into my blog lately.  I received so much positive feedback from people who felt that the blog helped them think more closely about their own lives and marriages and I appreciated hearing such kind comments.  One person sent criticism that my blog could possibly damage any hope of repairing my marriage.  I tried not to take that one personally since this person doesn't even know me or my family and obviously did not take the time to read all the entries I posted expressing my love and concern for my husband while he was gone.  One of the first things I did when Richard came home was ask if he wanted me to delete all the blog posts I had written. We talked about it in depth and he said no, he did not want that.  

During the month that I was alone, many people read my blog and sent me messages of love and support. I appreciated that so much.  I have not wanted to post anything too personal out of respect for Richard and the things he is dealing with at this time. But now that he is home, I find I am in a very lonely place.  I know that I am still loved by friends, family and neighbors. I also know that most people are giving us space because, well, we have a lot of work to do in our home.  But there are times when I feel so alone!  I have a couple of very close friends who regularly send me notes of encouragement and I want them to know what a lifeline they have become to me. I also got a phone call from a sweet friend who moved away a couple of months ago. She just wanted to check that I was doing okay and I was very touched by this.

There is still so much work to do, both personally and in the marriage. Some days feel like we are moving backwards instead of forward.  Sometimes I feel such sadness and loss and I feel so alone.  I wish I had the answers, but one thing I do feel strongly about is that there is no hurry.  Things will work out as they are supposed to.  I have felt frustrated by the lack of a concrete answer to my situation. Answers that I have been praying so hard to find. But I have come to realize that perhaps the timing just isn't right yet.  I have faith that the answers will come when I am ready for them.