Answered Prayers

I have been  hoping and praying to be able to write this post for almost a month.  Richard is at last home. He is safely with us again.  This is a direct answer to thousands of prayers and lots of fasting.  This is exactly what we asked for, and yet, although there are feelings of relief that he is home, there are a myriad of other emotions that I did not expect to feel.  There is much work to be done and I don't know just how long it will take to get there, or even where we will end up, but we will move forward and see where the path to recovery leads.

For those who are worried for me and my emotional safety, I thank you so much for your love and concern.  I know all too well that the trust my marriage was built on is broken.  I know that he could leave again at any time and that I am not in control of his choices.  I promise you that I am moving forward carefully.  I am guarding my heart and doing my best to protect my children's fragile emotional state.  Yesterday I spent almost three hours with the counselor at Joseph's school.  We formulated a plan for Joseph and Annalina and then we talked about me and where I am at with this.  This man is amazing. He gave me great insight and ideas and I am grateful that at the last minute he was willing and able to see me.

All four of the kids put aside their anger and willingly forgave Richard immediately.  Annalina and Joseph spent the evening by his side. Joseph is especially happy and remembers to thank Heavenly Father in each prayer he says. The kids have a lot of questions but we went into this letting them know that they may ask Richard whatever they need to, whenever they need to. This has been a healthy thing for them as they are not pressured to ask it all at once and can ponder their feelings and process them in their own time. I am grateful for the amazing resilience of children although I know that there is a lot going on inside their precious little minds. I will be watching them carefully for years to come, I am sure.  The children are still sleeping in my room with me and I feel that it comforts me as well as them.

After the heartache I have felt for the past month, I find myself feeling numb.  I love my husband and I am grateful he has returned.  I feel much compassion towards him because of the darkness that pulled him away from us.  I also feel I am in a state of shock and at times I find myself afraid. I am trying to replace that fear with faith.  Now the real work begins and I pray that I will feel the guiding influence of the Spirit as we go forward trying to mend the broken pieces of our marriage.  I don't think this is something he and I can do alone. It will require much support and direction from above.

Again I ask that you not judge my husband.  Knowing the pain he caused us, it took a great deal for him to come back and it will not be an easy road for him to fix the damage he has done.  He will be working very hard to get healthy emotionally.  He will also be working hard to fix relationships.  He can use all the love and support he can get.  

Thank you for the prayers you have offered on behalf of our family. Thank you for fasting with me on Sunday.  I asked all who joined to help me fast that the love we feel for Richard and the light and love of our Heavenly Father would somehow penetrate the darkness he was dwelling in.  He told me Sunday was a turning point for him.  I know this is not a coincidence.  Please continue to pray for my family, that whatever the outcome is, we can be safe and happy in the end, no matter what happens.  I love you dear friends and family!