My Dad

It is three o'clock in the morning and I cannot sleep.  My Father is on my mind and as I am thinking about him and how he has changed over the past few years, I am crying.  I miss my Dad so much.  Friday my husband and I will be taking him to his new home at Avamere Care Center.  It is not going to be easy and part of me is afraid of what will happen.  Another part of me is honored to be able to be there for him at such a difficult time.  I don't know if being there will help, or if he will forever be angry with me. He will not be happy about this change, but I am so grateful I can be there with him to try to help with the transition as much as I can.

But I am so very sad right now.  I thought the best thing to do is preserve some of my favorite memories of my Dad in my blog so that my children can know a little of what their grandfather was like.  I am so grateful that my older children got a chance to know him and that they have had such a close relationship with him.  But it breaks my heart that my two youngest will never know him in that way!

Dad, I love you so much. I know you will never read this and if I tell you, you will not remember, but I need to say it anyway.  Your love and support got me through some dark times in my life.  Thank you for being there for me!

 Before "take your child to work day" existed, my Dad would take me to work with him.  I got to play with his ten key machine.  I would snuggle up on the sofa in his office and read for hours.  The secretaries would take me with them on their breaks and we would go get muffins and hot chocolate.  Dad would take me to lunch.  He would get all the employees on the floor to bring their pennies to his office so I could see if there were any I needed for my penny collection.   I loved going to work with Dad.

Dad  sometimes took me on business trips with him. Once I went to Las Vegas with him.  He ended up missing a meeting to take me and another "travel daughter" to Circus Circus.  That was such a fun trip!

My Dad was an accountant and when we lived in Oregon before moving to Utah, he worked for a place called Discount Fabrics.  I was really young when we moved  to Utah and had no idea what an accountant was.  I remember someone's mom asking me what my Dad did for a living and I said he was a clothing designer!  I remember telling him about it and he just laughed!!

Dad coached my soccer team when I was in grade school. He was going to be the assistant coach, but the actual coach quit before we even got started, so my Dad took over. We wore green shirts and called ourselves the grasshoppers.  I don't remember winning much, but we had a great time.  He was a fun coach!

My Dad often got really good Utah Jazz tickets from work and we loved to go together.  When the Trailblazers came to town, we sometimes cheered for them because I felt bad that no one else was cheering them on.

My grade school was doing a fundraiser and we were supposed to collect pop cans for our classroom.  My friend and I went around the whole neighborhood one evening and no one gave us any cans.  We found a tuna fish can and put it in our bag, not realizing it was not aluminum.  I guess Dad felt bad for us because the next day he brought home a huge bag of empty soda cans from work. It was a dream come true to be able to take that many in to my classroom!  I think we won the competition that year!

Once I had the stomach flu and had been miserable for a couple of days.  My mom wanted me to take some Pepto, but I knew it would only make me throw up again.  Mom got frustrated with me when I would not take it, but Dad came to my rescue.  He sat with me and comforted me for a while.  I think we watched a movie together.

One year I was sick on Halloween.  I had to stay home while the other sisters went out trick-or-treating.  I was so sad and my Dad felt bad for me.  At around 8:30 he took me around the neighborhood and since it was getting late, the people were dumping their bowls of candy into my jack-o-lantern!   I got a ton of candy!  And I felt so special to be out, just me and my Dad!

When we moved back to Oregon in the mid-80's my Dad started an accounting business up on his own. I had always thought he had purchased someone else's firm, but learned a few years back that the sale never worked out, so he started his own business.  He worked for himself and after tax season he always had more time for fun, so on the first nice day in May he would get all of us girls out of school and take us to the beach for the day. It was always beautiful and sunny and we always had the beach to ourselves because it was a school day!  We LOVED Frederick Family Skip Day with my Dad.

Shortly after I had Adrienne, my Dad came over.  She was upstairs sleeping and my Dad asked if he could go look at her.  He didn't want me to wake her, he just wanted to see his sleeping granddaughter.

Dad went with Jacob and I to see a specialist when Jacob was just three years old and I knew there was something developmentally wrong.  He was there with me through a difficult interview about Jacob's development and home life (including the abusive marriage part).  I was worried what he would think, but he was nothing but supportive of me.  He was there when I was given the official diagnosis of Autism.  He was there the whole drive home telling me how great Jacob was and how the diagnosis didn't change that at all.  Dad adores Jacob, even now that is obvious.  They have a very special relationship!

When I was in the hospital having Annalina, my parents brought Adrienne in so she could be there for the birth. Dad just came to check in on me before going to the waiting room, but as it happened, the doctor started setting up and he became trapped between my hospital bed and the window and was there for the entire birth of my sweet daughter.  Once she was out and getting cleaned up, he took over the video camera and caught her first minutes of life on tape for us. I will never forget the way he walked sideways to the baby bed looking up at the ceiling so he would not see anything inappropriate!  It was funny and sweet all at once!

When I moved in with my parents after my divorce, my Dad was always willing to step in and help out with Jacob when he got out of control.  He would carefully carry him up to his room for a time out when I was too tired to do it myself.  Shortly after moving in with my parents I went back to school full time. I took classes in the morning and did not get out of school until about the time Jacob was done with Kindergarten.  I never wanted to take advantage of my Dad being at home working, but he insisted on walking to the bus stop three days a week and getting Jacob and hanging out with him for lunch until I got home from school a half hour later. 

For about 6 years we lived just a couple blocks from my parents.  Each fourth of July Richard and Dad would go to a fireworks stand, or Costco and get a TON of fireworks, splitting the cost.  They would also do the honors of putting on a spectacular fireworks show for us.  We invited anyone who wanted to come over to watch with us, even neighbors would come out to watch.  We even came up with a rating system and then the next year they'd go get our very favorites. I think Mad Dog was always at the top of the list!  We have many happy memories of family 4th of July parties!

I will never forget the hours my Dad spent with my husband answering questions for him about the gospel.  Being newly active in the church after a long break, I often found I did not have the answers to the questions Richard would ask me.  I found myself saying, "you will have to ask my Dad" and I knew that he would always have the answers.

My Dad gave Adrienne and Jacob their baby blessings and he baptized and confirmed Adrienne and then a year later my husband Richard.  He provided my family with many priesthood blessings over the years and it was never too late at night or too early in the morning for him to be there for us.

My Dad went to Girls Camp every year to help out. He was always gone for the whole week doing whatever he could to help. The leaders loved him and eventually it was a formal calling for him!  He was so excited for Adrienne to turn 12 so she could go too.  It always meant so much to me that he was there because she use to get terribly homesick and seeing him there always comforted her. Also, when she forgot things, he would run into town to get them for her!  My Dad LOVES his grandchildren!

My Dad also loved his parents. While he could still drive, he would go visit my Grandfather as often as he could.  He even took time during busy tax season to go make sure Graandpa was doing ok.  He talked to me about Grandma Frederick often and with such tenderness.  He would often express how much he really missed her.

Once after the Alzheimer's had already taken hold, my mother and I got in a huge fight at their house.  I was crying and I remember my Dad looking completely bewildered. I felt so bad for bringing this stress into his home.  He asked if I was ok and I said no, so he asked what he could do and I said, "just hug me".  And he did.  And for that moment in his arms, my Dad was back.  I knew he loved me and would do anything for me.

Last week Megan and I took my Dad to his future new home for lunch.  As we were leaving Megan was reaching for Kathryn's hand so they could cross the street.  I said, "Hold hands, so we can be safe" and my Dad reached over and held my hand as we crossed the street. It was such a tender thing and I cry just thinking about it now.

I miss my father so very much.  My heart aches for him, knowing what he has lost over the past few years and knowing how unhappy he is.  It is not fair that a man who gave so much to so many has now lost so many of the traits that made him who he was.  It is hard to watch how he is treated.  It is not a good feeling when I feel myself wanting to correct him or remind him of something, as if he is a child.  I have learned that most of the time, correcting or reminding him really isn't that important.  It is hard to know that he feared being in this condition for many, many years!  How do people go on when they don't have the knowledge that we will see our loved ones again in a perfected state?  If I thought my Father was lost to me forever, I don't know how I could go on!  I am so grateful for the gospel and the comfort it brings.  But for now, I really just miss him so much!